2010, 2010, 2010. I'm afraid, I'm pretty sad actually and I'm just not ready... for 2010.
2009 was quite a bad year for me. (excluding the few good things that happened) I was teased at because of my shoe size and my voice earlier in year. The first three months went well but later in the year, it got ugly. Fights and everything. Everyone drifted away from each other and I was the worried one because i was afraid of losing my friends. I tried working things out but nothing happened.
The best thing that has happened was when my two friends walked me home. And they surprised me on my birthday by turning up on my doorstep. (I was sick during my birthday so i therefore could not attend school) And they really bought me what i wanted. A dress from, my-favourite-store-ever and a bracelet from there, too. Love them.
Though it wasn't a really good year, i like it. Quite like it.
Thank you for the good 2009, Rasyiqah, Amalia, Zahrah, Atiqah, Nurin, Nadirah, Ain, Nadhirah, Syahirah, Selynna, Hidayah, Insyira, Daniel, Faris, Huzyer, Sharul, Ashraf, Anis Fazianah, Hedzir, Nadiah, Guo Siong, Vera, Rezza, Sariza, Naurah, Sarah Afiqa, Akmal Dani, Fouzan, Zulhilmi, Rasyad, Akmal Syazwan, Aliah Syazana, Zahidah, Shafiq, Courtney, Louisse, Insyirah, My Family, Hazmi, Iqa, Fuad, Raudah, Marilyn, Matin and the others.
Rasyiqah & Amalia : Thank you for being my friends. I know we have had many fights and arguments, but... that doesn't put an end to our friendship, right? You shower me with pretty gifts and all. I'm thankful for that.
Zahrah : Thank you for being you. You're the best and I can't believe we're still friends despite the fact that i am always so moody. Remember those videos that we made earlier in the year? It cracks me up whenever i watch it! Thank you for always listening to me. I love you :D
Atiqah, Nurin, Nadirah & Ain : Thank you for making Madrasah memorable for me.
Nadhirah & Syahirah : We became friends because we watched the same shows. The Hills & The City and tell stories about it everytime. Be it during recess or Angklung or, anywhere. Nad & Sya, thank you for being there for me when no one did. Thanks for the hugs and comforting me, always.
Selynna : My minah.Thanks for cheering me up and making 2009 a year to remember.
Hidayah : He-Die-Uh, Hiddy, Nurul & Hids. So many names to call you by. Thanks for always cheering me up and making me laugh with your 'dumb' jokes. :P Thanks for believing in me and telling me like, all of your secrets. HAHA.
Insyira : You were there for me when no one was. So, thank you for all the advice. It worked, somehow. Love you.
Daniel : Mat. HAHA. You're always there for me. Thanks for listening to me whenever I'm telling you things about, oh-you-know and advising me through it all. You helped me with quite a lot of things and i have to thank you for that.
Zulhilmi & Rasyad : The best bitches. Thank you so much for everything. \m/ (kening naik naik) LOL.
Iqa : You are the best and i love you. Can still remember how you used to freak when you saw Shirtless Jacob Black! :D
I love you guys.
Have a happy new year when it's already 12am. -.- Have fun.
I confess that in 2009, I have...
stayed single for the whole year made out in/on a car kissed in the snow celebrated Halloween kissed in the rain had your heart broken broke someone else’s heart had a stalker went over the minutes on your cell phone had a good relationship with someone(friendship) someone questioned your sexual orientation gotten pregnant had an abortion had a relationship with someone you’ll never forget done something you’ve regretted lost faith in love kissed under a mistletoe
OTHER painted a picture wrote a poem ran a mile shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch posted a blog listened to music you couldn’t stand went to a sleepover went camping threw a surprise party laughed till you cried laughed till you peed in your pants visited a foreign country cut in a line of waiting people told someone you were busy when you weren’t partied to celebrate the new year cooked a disastrous meal lost something/someone important to you
In 2009 I… broke a promise lied went behind your parents back cried over a broken heart disappointed someone close hid a secret pretended to be happy slept under the stars kept your new years resolution forgot your new years resolution met someone who changed your life met one of your idols changed your outlook on life sat home all day doing nothing pretended to be sick left the country almost died given up something important to you lost something expensive learned something new about yourself tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it made a change in your life found out who your true friends were met great people stayed up till sunrise cried over the silliest thing was never home on weekends got into a car accident had friends who were drifting away from you had someone close to you die had a high cell phone bill spent most of your money on food had a fist fight went to the beach with your bf/gf saw a celebrity gotten sick liked more than 5 people at the same time became closer with a lot of people
31DEC09'
It's too late to catch me now.
Cotton On Sale @ Tampines Mall. Almost everything at $10!! Bought a high-waist skirt and jeans-looking-leggings. For only twenty. Awesome?
I'm hungry now -.-
30DEC09'
December 30, 2009
Never believe it's not so.
"Maybe, that's all life is, you know? Just climbing up, coming down and starting all over again."
You said the whole world was against you and it all had to end...
I don't know where to turn, I've been stuck in this routine. I need to change my ways, Instead of always bein' weak.
- It's amazing what you can hide just by puttin' on a smile.
The feeling of... inferiority and everything else. Sometimes when you're mad, all you feel like doing is swearing and kicking or punching on to something that will definitely hurt you in the end because you think that is THE way how you would want to release your anger but that is wrong because you will hurt yourself even more, that way.
I don't see why should all of us do that but... when you're mad at something, you can never thinking of anything else but the very ONE thing that you're mad about. You can't take it anymore that you just had to let it all go. No matter in what way.
When I'm on the rage about something, all that i will do is cry. I'll cry till i feel better. Or writing it all down for me, sometimes... works too. It depends on how you want to look at things, really.
And sometimes i wonder, what made things go the way it is now? Should i just let it go? Well, i have tried but nothing new happened, nothing at all happened. It will always stay the way it is. From the past to the present and i predict, the future.
I've been trying to make things seem less about me.
I was just seething with anger that i had to let it all out and cry. It does make me feel better but it will all come back to me when i see it again. Of course it will. It never not did.
It always did.
Fitting in or not is not the case. It's just. Ignorance.
I'm not surprised if anything... nice happen someday.
Yes, you don't get me.
Sigh.
Boys Like Girls Asia Tour 2010. 28 Jan 2010 Thu, 8pm Compass Ballroom, Resorts World Sentosa Standard - S$98, S$78
i totally wanna go. But, can i? I bet not.
27DEC09'
December 26, 2009
And the clouds were ripping my broken heart.
Stayed home and read. A Novel Idea by Aimee Friedman and Reluctantly Alice by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor. A Novel Idea's THE best. The cutest love story ever I've ever read... took me two days to finish the whole book. It's just very realistic and true.
Okay so, phoned Amalia and talked about the past. Sec ones, twos and threes and how we will all work our ass off for our N's next year.
I remembered how i broke a heart, badly in sec two.
And i remembered how hurt i was by someone that i couldn't take it anymore and i cried so hard in class and my maths teacher asked, "Qazimah, anything wrong.. You okay? Need to go to the washroom?" I said no and continued crying.
And my 14th Birthday i thought, would be a memorable one but it turned out bad. I cried early in the morning and Rasyiqah had to hug me. Asked me what was wrong and I said "Someone broke my heart."
-.-
I got caught for having my fringe covering my eyes and so i clipped it up but when the teacher went away, i threw the clip away and took my fringe back out. HAH.
Then, a huge catfight in sec three. None of us could get along with each other. But no screamings, no nothing. We just drifted apart and shut up, talked less to each other.
So those were... bad memories. But i'm sure next year would be a better year :D
Hm, I'm now bored so i did this :
The bold ones are true.
I’m loud. I’m obnoxious. I’m sarcastic. I’m cocky. I cry easily. I have a bad temper. For the most part, I don’t like people. I’m easy to get along with. I like to fight. I have more enemies than friends. I’ve smoked. I’ve smoked weed. I drink coffee. I clean my room daily
My Appearance I’m shorter than 5’5. I wear makeup I wear a piece of jewelery at all times. I wear contacts. I wear glasses. I’ve had braces. I have braces. I change my hair color often. I straighten my hair often. My ears are pierced. I have small feet.
Relationships I’m in a relationship now. I’m single. I’m crushin’. I’ve missed an ex before. I’m always scared of being hurt. An ex has physically abused me at least once. I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t. I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did. I’ve been in love more than two times. I believe in love at first sight. I believe lust is more important than love.
Friendships I have a best friend I have at least ten friends I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend I’ve beaten up a friend. I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend. I can trust at least five people with my life.
Experiences I’ve been on a plane. I’ve been on a train. I’ve left the state/province. Someone close to me has died. I’ve taken a taxi. I’ve taken a city bus. I’ve taken a school bus. I’ve gone bungee jumping. I’ve made a speech. I’ve been in some sort of club I’ve won an award. I’ve spent 24 hours on the computer straight. I’ve been in a physical fight.
Music I listen to country. I listen to pop. I listen to techno. I listen to rock. I listen to screamo. I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I'm sick of it. I hate the radio. I download music. I buy CD’s.
Television I spend at least six hours a day watching television. I watch soap operas daily. I’m in love with Days Of Our Lives I’ve seen and like The OC. I’ve seen and like One Tree Hill. I’ve seen and like America’s Next Top Model. I’ve seen and like Popular. I’ve seen and like House. I’ve seen and like 24. I’ve seen and like CSI. I’ve seen and like Everwood.
Family Life I get along with both of my parents. My biological parents are still together. I have at least one brother. I have at least one sister. I have at least one step brother/sister. I have at least one half brother/sister. I’ve been kicked out of the house. I’ve ran away from my home. I’ve sworn at my parents. I’ve made my parents cry. I’ve lied to my parents. I’ve lied to my parents about where I am. I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing. I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out. I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded.
Hair I’ve cut my hair in the past year. I’ve dyed my hair in the past year. I’ve been blonde. I’ve had black. I’ve had red. I’ve been light brown. I’ve been medium brown. I’ve been brown. I’ve had streaks. I’ve had purple/pink. I’ve been blue/green. [soon? haha] I’ve gotten my hair thinned I've used conditioner. I’ve used silk therapy. I’ve used hot oil treatments. I’ve curled my hair. I’ve straightened my hair. I’ve ironed my hair. I’ve braided my hair. I’ve had/want dreadlocks.
School I’ve thrown something at a teacher. I’ve yelled at a teacher. I’ve been suspended. I’ve had an in-school suspension. I’ve been sent to the principal’s office. I’ve walked out of class. I’ve skipped an entire day of school. I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class. I’ve failed a test. I’ve cheated on a test. I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test. I’ve failed Art. I’ve failed P.E. I’ve failed Math. I’ve failed Science. I’ve failed another class. A teacher has called my parents. I’ve been caught skipping. I’ve been on the honor roll. I’ve been on effort honor roll.
good/sad video by Selena Gomez.
And this vid makes me feel so ready for school, lol.
25DEC09'
December 25, 2009
We were young & times were easy,
Merry X'mas to all who are celebrating it (:
Off to Vivo with Iqa & Hazmi on the 23rd, Wednesday. Took the bus there and the bus ride was really, really slowwwwww -.- Hazmi took the backseat whereas Iqa and I sat two rows infront of him. We chatted non-stop about a whole lot of things and when i turned around to see what Hazmi was doing, i realized that his head was down down and i thought something happened to him so i texted him, "What the hell are you doing? Lol." And he then replied like, a few minutes later, "You woke me up from my sleep." Okay, so he fell asleep. And nothing happened to him. Me and my imaginations, again.
Reached and we had lunch. Iqa and I had something not so glam :P Hazmi had baked rice. So unfair. I didn't know there was baked rice. I have been craving for baked rice for very very long and he got to eat them... I had a spoonful of his and it was goooooood! (:
Rushed to Forever 21, Top Shop, Topman, Pull & Bear... I don't know why I had to rush but, i love those stores. And am loving forever 21 so, i rushed there to see all the pretty clothes. But too bad most of the clothes that i see online are not in the store. /: So i left, dissapointed. :( Hah, but i love the big bags and teeshirts. All so cute.
Top Shop has the cutest shoes and accescories. Saw a brown high-cut/boot-looking shoe and it's really nice. But i know that since i am a size four, i won't fit even if i bought those shoes. Ugh. But the accesories are very colourful and attractive.
Diva since Iqa wanted to get a necklace from there. I wanted to, too. But, i didn't. Got Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Theraphy instead. Feels good to have something cold since it was a hot day that day.
Walked around. Then met mum and aunt @ the rooftop after that. They came down to shop too.
And met Zul for a while. LOL. He was there at Vivo too. Met his friends. Snapped a picture with him and after that with Izwah :D
Had late lunch, again.
Hazmi left then.
Harbourfont. Mum, aunt, Zahidah, Iqa and I. Shopped. Bought a huge bag. Which is very oh-my-gosh WOW. Dinner at Breeks.
Iqa slept over. Gossiped. Watched Jon & Kate Plus 8. Slept early because we were both very very exhausted from the whole day of walking. 1 AM. Exactly after Jon & Kate ended.
That was how i spent my Wednesday.
24 December, Thursday.
An Impromtu family dinner.
25 December, Today.
Aunt stayed over from morning till noon.
Fun filled three-days much? :D
22DEC09'
December 22, 2009
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale.
"I'm gonna find someone, someday who might actually treat me well..."
- Taylor Swift's white horse
21DEC09'
December 21, 2009
When the walls start crumbling...
Breakfast - Lunch - Bedok South - Early Dinner @ Simpang Bedok - Downtown East. That was what i did today. Off to Downtown after early dinner. Bought two dresses for twenty. How worth it (: But nothing beats my favourite place in the whole wide world, thank you. I obviously am still into Cotton Onz. And i need new flats. Like, black, pink and zip-bra-preenz, maybe? Have to get em'. Oh, gonna get a tee for only ten, there too... I hope. Or if i don't, someone get it for me pleaasssee. ;D
And. I hate it that I'm loving forever 21 and Jimmy Choo shoes... Thanks to mum la, aiyo! Haha.
I am ovizziali (officially -.-, how lame can i get) obsessed with fashion and clothing. WTF. YAY.
HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY, INSYIRA! :D
20DEC09'
December 19, 2009
Now them butterlies in my stomach won't stop.
Hazmi and I planned again for the outing to Vivo on the 23rd.
Q: Eh, i feel like eating burger. H: huh, buka... why? Q: burger la. H: ah? what buka? Q: i said burger la! H: Oh. I heard buka. HAHA. Q: HAHAH. Pekak betul ah, si dini. H: Tak dengar kan. HAHA.
Pekak you know, this guy. Wanted Iqa to join the conversation but she couldn't. Ugh. You could've, Iqa. But never mind since you're tired. We'll do so tomorrow (; I don't see why should we plan so much for only a day's outing -.-
Spent the day @ home.
Woke up at twelve in the afternoon.
Things i did at home today - : - Watched Bolt on Disney. - Jon & Kate Plus 8. - MTV Asia Awards 2008. - Some Malay Drama. - Slept. - Woke up from sleep. - Watched TV again.
What a cycle.
I totally should hit the library and borrow some books for reading already. I hate lazing around at home... Should find something productive to do. Shouldn't I?
I hate it when I'm alone at home and because I tend to have unnecessary thoughts circling around my head.
I'm just not helping. I'm in this... alone. I can't do anything about it.
Today is just one of my bad days, i think. I'm stressing because of nothing. Unnecessary thoughts. I don't know. I feel so inferior. Excluded.
Everybody needs inspiration, Everybody needs a song A beautiful melody... When the night's so long, Cause there is no guarantee, That this life is easy.
19DEC09'
December 18, 2009
Like there's no sunrise.
Spent the day today @ home. GAH.
Q : Ah, okay. I'll call you back later kay... H: Ya, okay okay. Q: Uh, okay then. H : Ah? Okay what...? Q: Okay... bye.
The conversation i had with my cousin just a few minutes ago. Planning about the outing that Iqa, himself and I were going to have on the 21st or 24th. Ha, LOL much. You were like, blur la. Funny. xD
I should've known this wasn't real and fought it off and fought to feel.
You've disappeared, the wound in my heart has healed. The cuts are no longer left open. So, it is true when people say that, "Time is all you need." I believe in that... now. It really was time that i needed.
And I'm waiting. Hoping. Wishing. that something better will come by and change my life. Something true and real.
Pretty impossible. Very impossible, in fact.
But with time, i've got my friends back. With time, I'm able to get over all the hurt that you've caused me. With time, I managed to work things out with everyone.
Time is everything and with all the hurt that you've caused me then, I'm glad to say that I'm over it, over you and everything's back to it's normal state.
I'm so confused, constantly wishing for what I've been missing in my life... I learn to be strong when the walls are crumbling all around my heart. This is the first time that I know who I am cause now my feet are on solid ground, before I didn't know up from down and it won't be long 'till I find were I'm going now... I must confess I was a mess, I tried not to show it, didn't want them to know it, cause everyone has their own cross to bear and mine is still waiting for everything to fall back into place.
But I learned to be strong when the rain is falling all around my heart. Don't look back, learn from the past... Living for now is what keeps me going, don't look back but hold the memories I can do this, I must do this...
This is my world, a much better view... I feel myself growing without even knowing what lies ahead. But who really knows? I'll just embrace it... With love, I can face it
HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY DANIEL!
17DEC09'
December 17, 2009
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SYAHIRAH!
i love you so much (:
I hope you enjoyed your Fifteenth birthday!
Off to Marina Barrage to celebrate Syahirah's Fifteenth Birthday by having a picnic. Met Nadhirah first and then Amalia and Rusydi.
Went to NTUC to get crackers and stuff.
Took the train there and met Sya and Ansari. Walked and walked till we reached the bustop and caught the bus to the Barrage.
The cake first then crackers and drink and pictures!
We took a whole lot of pictures, really.
Nadhirah and I thought of funny names for each one of us.
It was really cute. Both of us laughed our heads off, i swear.
It was fun. I had a very fun time and i enjoyed it so much.
Happy Birthday again, Syahirah!
the rest of the pictures are on facebook.
16DEC09'
December 15, 2009
It's intuitive, you don't have to try...
Today spelled FUN. FUN. FUN.
Taxi-ed all the way to City Square Mall with Mum & Brother. Met Iqa, her mum and brothers there and had lunch... Fried Rice Kimchi <3 really, really good. Window shopped then and I found myself in love with Fedora Hats! :D They're so pretty. I like.
After walking a few rounds and me, having to beg my mum for the cotton on cropped tee, all of us were off to Parkway Parade and i obviously rushed to my favourite store in the whole wide world and grabbed what i wanted. I'm happy now already, wheeeeee.
Okay, goodnight. Dinner with Family tomorrow. Syahirah's Birthday on the seventeenth.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NADIAH (:
Bestfriend: ehh , mlm aku call kau, rindu suara rock luu ah babe, hahah.
14DEC09'
December 14, 2009
Chasing these feelings around in my head...
"I must confess, I was a mess... I tried not to show it, didn't want them to know it cause everyone has their own cross to bear and mine is still waiting for everything to fall back into place. But I learned to be strong when the rain is falling all around my heart."
- Alyson Stoner's Lost & Found.
Mess all cleaned up. All cleared. I feel so free now. No more suffocation. I am just so relieved to know that everything's over.
Cotton On with Nurin today. I just can't get enough of that store. It's just so... Ugh! So worth it. She bought what she wore, (below) A cropped tee that i so badly wanted and a black tank top. Jealous :S
Whenever I see your name, my heart skips a beat. Whenever I talk to you, my palms get cold.
A good sign? Not a good sign?
Just breathe.
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Qazimah, sixteen.
temperamental & do not like sleepovers. 15 july 94.
"Maybe, that's all life is, you know? Just climbing up, coming down and starting all over again."
And the clouds were ripping my broken heart.
Merry X'mas to all who are celebrating it (:
Breakfast - Lunch - Bedok South - Early Dinner @ Simpang Bedok - Downtown East.
Now them butterlies in my stomach won't stop.
because of nothing.
Spent the day today @ home.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SYAHIRAH!
