Instead of just pondering over "Why couldn't just things turn the way I wanted it to be?", breaking down and also, having thoughts of wanting to give up on some little things, this 'life-is-a-roller-coaster-ride' test that I have been taking for quite a while now have thought me to be stronger and how to hold on and be patient.
It has thought me how to think maturely onto handling things and that sometimes, being patient works.

It really is painful to go through the losing of friends. The closest they are to you, the more it hurts because you thought that they know you inside out and would care very much about your feelings but they don't. They leave you. They hurt you. It may not have hurt them because they are just clueless to the word 'Friendship' and what it exactly means but it hurts me because I kept thinking that things would get better but it did not. I tried being patient, I hoped for the better of things but as days passes by, I realized that whatever I hoped for just isn't happening.
My mentality then told me to give up because I could not take it any longer and that I would gain other friends, better friends because what I gone through the other time was taking a toll on me and it made me not think straight as the feeling was too overwhelming. I couldn't let the feeling go. I didn't have the heart to hurt them. I didn't have the heart to do anything mean at all, to them. It never crossed my mind, in fact.

I started socializing and gained friends.
Better friends.
I left the 'old' friends aside for a little while, thinking they'd do some reflecting on what they had done. But they never ever realized and never knew that what they did affected me a whole lot. I ignored. Like i said, I did not have the heart to be mean to them. So I left and ignored them. Because without me, they would do whatever they want.
They, the 'old' friends eventually made their own cliques, without me.

I didn't bother.
I kept quiet about it.
I didn't want to bother neither do i want to know anything about the new clique.

I then made friends.
Better friends. The awesome-st friends anyone could ever have.

The 'old friends' never did talk to me neither did i.
Bcos we weren't okay.

I loved hanging around with the awesome-st people so much.
I found out that they, are the people who actually care.
They care so much about me and they are just willing to be friends with me.
They somewhat thought me how to be different and think maturely. which is... To rekindle the 'old' friendship with the 'old' friends.

I did some thinking.
Thinking on what could possibly happen if i were the one who seek for forgiveness?
I did that so so many times but nothing changed. It all stayed the same.

What else should I do?
Some more thinking?

'I give up.', a part of me says.
'No, don't give up. Pull yourself together... Try work things out. Talk to them.', another part of me said.

I did both things at the same time.
Which was, to talk things out with them but unwillingly.
There was nothing I could do. Nothing... else.
I disliked the idea very much of seeking forgiveness when I was not in the wrong.

'Give them another chance. They are your friends.'
I apologized.
Willingly this time round. And that, was another part of my roller-coaster-ride test.
I gave them the chance.
I tried turning things around.
I did a lot of thinking.

As days passes by then, things got better and better.
And i realized that the 'losing of friends' didn't affect me only. It hurt them too.
But they buried it deep down in them because
they didn't want to hurt me.

I was in the wrong too. It didn't only affect me.
It affected them as much, too.

i still love them despite the fact that we fought countless times.
i gained friends. Them and the awesome-st people at the same time.
I love them all.

Yes, i went through a lot of pain going through all these but i think now, that it's worth it.
We fought.
We cried.
And i thought they never knew what friendship meant.



But, they did.


I treasure the friendship i have with the people around me and i, therefore, would never neglect them (general) no matter how busy i am.
oh well, unless they send me one word texts. :D

I would like to thank Vera, my lovely angklung 'junior' (kidding! :P) for always checking up and me and trying her hardest to always cheer me up whenever I'm down with her funny little texts and her getting high when texting or talking to me :D

Vera, you have been such a sweetheart. Although I know you have your own problems too, you never fail to text me and ask if i am alright.

You're the sweetest.
You, too. Don't you not tell me when you have problems! (;